


You're Just a Ghost in this House

by pyrosgf



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1795654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrosgf/pseuds/pyrosgf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty character death fic inspired by a friend's fic from another fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Just a Ghost in this House

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sing For Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/580984) by [darenotlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darenotlove/pseuds/darenotlove). 



> Feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.

Adam bought the house in hopes the ghost wouldn't follow, the wispy thin veil between his reality and his imagination would get the picture that it was over. Less than a week after he moved in and he knew he'd failed, the new house, a change of scenery, and everything was still the same. The phantom pictures still trailed him through every room, each a new level of heartache. 

 

Just like every other night it started the minute Adam walked in the front door after a long day of rehearsals. He stepped foot into the doorway and he was immediately assaulted by the scent of Sauli's cologne. He knew the way it smelled in the bottle and just how much richer it was on Sauli's skin. The millions of times he'd kissed down Sauli's jawline, nibbled across down his neck, and buried his nose in Sauli's collarbone, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and Sauli as deeply into his lungs as possible. Now the fragrant hint of sandalwood on Sauli's skin that wafted into his nose made him nauseated. He sighed, his shoulder slumping, body curling in on himself until the feeling passed and the scent dissipated. It was going to be another long night of torture, trying to escape the past. He wasn't ready. He needed a break. One he feared would never come. 

 

Defeated Adam tossed his keys on the table by the door and wandered through the dark house to the kitchen. He'd skipped dinner and knew he needed to eat something. When he turned on the light, he knew it shouldn't startle him, but it did. Sauli was sitting at the table, arms folded with his head rested on them much the way Adam found him after many late nights at the studio. The light seemed to bring Sauli to life and he turned to look at Adam, giving him a soft smile. The one that used to make Adam beam back in happiness now had him forgetting all about food and turning on his heel to head into the living room. He didn't bother with the light this time, he didn't want to see. As long as he left the lights off he couldn't see Sauli curled up in the chair napping. Adam knew he was there, but turned on the TV. He channel surfed until he landed on an old episode of Queer As Folk. The sound of the thumping bass in the club was familiar and Adam relaxed into the couch staring blankly at the show until his eyes ached with it. 

When Adam blinked his eyes focused and he saw Justin and Brian in bed together, their limbs tangled as they moved together and in that moment all he could feel was Sauli's hands on his chest, Sauli's lips pressed against his, while Adam rocked up into him. It was vivid, his body was on fire with it, and it left him reaching to grasp Sauli's neck to pull him in closer and that's when it shattered. Adam couldn't grasp onto thin air, instead he panted and tried to bite back the tears that blurred his vision. He didn't think he had any tears left, but apparently he was wrong. He cried for several minutes, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He'd been doing so well lately. Dealing with night after night of this, but it'd been so long since he'd felt the phantom touch of Sauli's kiss as they made love. It had only happened in the beginning. He wiped at his face, the tears finally slowing. 

 

Adam got up and headed to bed. This part of the night was always the hardest. Sleeping meant dreaming and dreaming meant reliving it. He stripped out of his clothes, left his phone on his nightstand, and crawled into bed. He shivered, the sheets should've been chilled, but they weren't. He was on his side and heat seeped into his chest. He couldn't see him in the dark, but Adam knew Sauli was there, spooned against him like always. He didn't want to sleep, but the warmth of Sauli lulled him until his eyes were too heavy and he drifted off. 

 

_It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and so was Sauli, the sheen of sweat making him shimmer in the light of the midday. The beach house they'd rented for the weekend came with its own private beach so they'd spent the weekend naked and on the sand for the most part. It was so nice to be able to swim in the ocean and laugh and frolic on the beach like overgrown kids for a while. Their responsibilities were far away from here._

_As the sun settled on the horizon signifying they only had a couple of hours left here, they made love in the surf like horny teenagers and it was perfect._

_That evening they packed up their things, laughing and throwing articles of clothes at each other. Then they loaded up the car to make the two hour drive back home. It was so normal. The windows down, music up, and Adam singing along with Sauli occasionally joining in. A beautiful end to a great getaway. The smile on Adam's face felt genuine, his body relaxed as he drove along the twists and turns of the coast. He drove around a curve and felt Sauli grip his hand, a horrible sound coming from his own mouth. There wasn't enough time to get out of the way of the car that had swerved into his lane. The next thing Adam heard was the crunch of metal and the screeching of tires, his foot jammed into the breaks in hopes to lessen the impact. Everything felt like slow motion, the car being hit, the hit throwing him forward into the airbag knocking the breath out of him. When everything was over he gasped for breath until he finally managed to lean back. His body hurt and he cautiously felt around until he knew that he probably did some damage to his ribs and his leg felt like it was on fire._

_The silence was cut by a pitiful sound beside him and the shock of the moment wore off. He realized he wasn't alone and then sheer panic ran through him._

_"Sauli, baby, are you okay?"_

_"Hurts," Sauli whispered._

_"Shh," Adam murmured and reached for Sauli's hand. He found it and squeezed it reassuringly, shifting himself carefully in his seat until he could reach for his phone with his other hand._

_He listened to Sauli's quiet breaths while waiting for the ambulance. It seemed to take forever, but they were finally pulled from the car. At the hospital Adam was checked over, ribs bandages, and a cast on his leg after x-rays showed a break, and then he was released. The entire time he'd asked the nurses about Sauli, but they didn't tell him anything, telling him he could see Sauli once they'd finished. He hobbled through the ER on crutches, following the nurse._

_"He's semi-conscious, a little dazed, and has several broken bones, but he's stable. We also want to keep an eye on him since he has an area on his brain that's slightly abnormal. We're going to do another CT scan in a few hours." The nurse explained._

_Adam sighed in relief and entered the room where Sauli was indeed covered in bandages, a cast on his arm and one that matched Adam's. Sauli smiled when Adam came closer and Adam kissed him on the cheek when he reached the bed._

_"I was so worried," Adam mumbled into Sauli's skin. "I love you, baby."_

_"Love you, Adam," Sauli replied sleepily. Adam sat by Sauli's bed watching Sauli sleep until he too drifted off._

_Adam was startled awake by the frantic wailing of one of the machines and the next thing he knew he was being escorted out of the room as a group of staff flooded Sauli's room. He asked what was wrong, but no one answered. Instead he waited, the solid wood of the door hiding what was happening inside. He could hear frantic voices, but not what they were saying. Fear and panic had him in tears. When the door opened again a group of solemn faces appeared and Adam knew._

_"We're sorry Mr. Lambert," a man in a white coat said. "We were trying to get him stable, it seems he may have had a brain bleed, but it only showed up as a slight abnormality on the CT."_

_Adam sobbed into his hand. "Can I see him, please?" He somehow choked out._

_"Yes, of course."_

_Seeing Sauli lifeless was something he never thought he'd see. His cheeks were pale, eyes shut, and his lips were almost white. Tears blurred his vision. He stood by the bed and took Sauli's hand. This was his fault. If he'd been paying more attention it wouldn't have happened. He should've been able to get out of the way. Instead he couldn't and now he gripped Sauli's hand willing Sauli to hold on._

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he cried over and over again._

 

Adam jumped awake, the words still on his lips. "I'm sorry," he whispered into the dark. 

 

"It wasn't your fault," Sauli's voice reassured him just like every other night Adam relived his death. 

 

"I can't keep living this way," Adam whimpered. 

 

He had been strong for as long as he could. He was getting ready to go on a tour with Queen and over a year later he was still dealing with this nightmare. He was crumbling around the edges and he needed peace. 

 

"Why are you still here?" 

 

"Because you still need me." Sauli whispered and Adam felt the phantom breath against his ear. 

"How am I ever going to survive without you?" He asked the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since the night of the funeral, the first night he'd come home to a ghost in his house. 

 

"Forgive yourself, the other driver was drunk, he caused it. He died that night, too. It's over." 

 

Adam thought about that, turned it over in his mind. Sauli was right. Maybe it was time to forgive himself. It wouldn't be as simple as saying it once, Adam knew. He also knew it wasn't going to be easy, but it was a start. The press of lips against his forehead relaxed him and for the first time since it all began, his chest was cold.


End file.
